Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
