I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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