SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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