the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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