I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
