Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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