She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
