Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
