No stitches, just platelets and will power
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
