how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
