I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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