She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just had sex on a roof
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
