am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize