So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
