I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
