She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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