Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
