I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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