He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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