i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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