it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
