Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
