Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
