and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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