I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
