Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
