Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
