Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
