It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
