I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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