I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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