i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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