As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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