and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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