As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
