I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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