Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
