a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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