i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
