Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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