Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
