Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
