You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize