AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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