it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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