the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fuck appropriateness.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize