saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
