Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
