Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize