Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
