thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
