I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
