see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
