my shit smells like andre
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
