What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
