I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
