He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Randomize
