Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
