They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
