At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
