I could have mohawked her pubes.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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