know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
