i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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