Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
