You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
