I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
