Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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