Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
