I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
