Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
