Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
