Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
