EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
