I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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