WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
