Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
