It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
