I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
is it fun? or sober?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
