I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
