The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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