so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
