why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
