NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
