I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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