Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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